Setting Standards
In my practice over the years, I’ve seen clients who expect perfection from anyone they date, and as a result they end up alone. I have also seen clients who have a very low bar, they end up being treated poorly, and they also end up alone. Setting standards for a dating partner is an important part of finding a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It's about knowing what you want and need in a partner, and being willing to walk away from anyone who doesn't meet your standards.
Here are a few tips on how to set standards for a dating partner:
Think about your values. What are the things that are most important to you in life? Do you want a partner who is ambitious and career-driven? Or someone who is more laid-back and family-oriented? Once you know what your values are, you can start to look for a partner who shares them.
Make a list of must-haves and nice-to-haves. What are the qualities and behaviors that are absolutely non-negotiable for you in a partner? For example, maybe you need someone who is honest, trustworthy, and respectful. Or maybe it's important to you that your partner has a similar sense of humor. Write down a list of your must-haves, and don't be afraid to stick to it.
Be realistic. It's important to have high standards for your dating partner, but it's also important to be realistic. No one is perfect, and you're not going to find a partner who meets all of your criteria exactly. Be willing to compromise on some things, but don't compromise on your must-haves.
Communicate your standards. Once you know what your standards are, it's important to communicate them to your dating partners. This doesn't mean you have to have a big talk about it on the first date, but you should be clear about what you're looking for in a relationship. For example, if it's important to you that your partner is monogamous, let them know that early on.
Be willing to walk away. If someone doesn't meet your standards, don't be afraid to walk away. It's better to be alone than to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't make you happy.
Here are a few examples of healthy standards that you might set for a dating partner:
Respect. You deserve to be treated with respect, both in and out of your relationship. Your partner should respect your opinions, your boundaries, and your body.
Honesty and trust. Honesty and trust are essential for a healthy relationship. Your partner should be honest with you about everything, from their feelings to their past. You should also be able to trust them to have your best interests at heart.
Communication. Communication is key to any successful relationship. Your partner should be able to communicate their needs and wants to you clearly, and vice versa. You should also be able to have difficult conversations with each other without resorting to name-calling or insults.
Similar values. It's important to find a partner who shares your values. This doesn't mean you have to agree on everything, but you should have a similar outlook on life. This will make it easier to make decisions together and build a future together.
Setting standards for a dating partner can be difficult, but it's important to remember that you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy and who treats you well. Don't be afraid to walk away from anyone who doesn't meet your standards.